This happened to me and my group of good friends when I was still staying in hostel. Val, Ling, Mel and me had became very close as we were neighbours in hall. Me and ling were of the same year whereas Val is one year older than me and Mel is one year younger than me. All four of us participated actively in hall activities. When I was in year 3, Mel is one of the Block Representative for my our Block.
The incident happened during my year 3 second semester when Val and Ling are graduating. Being a senior in hall, I decided to leave hall with them because most of my close friends are graduating. For my past 3 years in hall, I have done what I wanted to try and I want to focus more on my studies as I have been neglecting them due to hall activities. Ling wants to enjoy her final year therefore she also started to miss out on alot of hall activities. Val despite being her final semester, was less busy than me because she only has her fyp and 1 s/u module to cope for that semester. Therefore she still find time to attend some block activities.
Mel was not very happy with Ling and me because she feels that as hall residents, we should attend hall activities. As a Blk Reprentative myself when I was in year 1, I totally understand why she feel this way. I felt the same way about about my seniors who missed out on hall activities when I was in year 1. I cannot understand why they behave like until then. We named those people 'phantoms' of the hall. I have to concentrate on building up on my resume and prepare myself for the working world.
Being 1 year younger than me, I feel that Mel still cannot see my point of view. She knew that I was busy with my work and writing resumes for internship but her attitude towards me and Ling changes. Ling and I could not seem to do anything about it. Despite our busy schedules, Ling, Val and me were still in contact with each other after we leave hall but Ling and me do not have much contact with Mel since then. Val is still in contact with Mel occasionally.
Can you advise me how to solve this issue? I feel that it is really silly to forgo a friendship for life over this issue.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hi Sherri,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am sorry about your situation. I understand how you feel when friendships are broken due to those small misunderstandings.
But in my point of view, if I were you, I would organise an outing just for the few of us. FInd a place and talk to each other, instead of just keep in contact by phone. Trashing out all the misunderstandings face to face would be a better choice for friends.
Friendship is something hard to foster. I believe that Mel will be thinking ways to salvage this friendship too. With a big group of friends, I feel that the tension would not be as bad, and this may make it easier to have a heart to heart talk. You should agree with me that once afew women are grouped together, they will start talking non-stop. This would easily breakdown the barrier between you and Mel.
Its a waste to forgo a friendship, especially one that you treasure. Try to create many opportunities where you can talk to Mel personally and explain your side of the story. I feel that she will understand eventually.
All the best,
Kristin
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletehellooo sherri!
ReplyDeleteWith all the girl power advise that kristin have given you, it is a tough act for me as a guy to match that but I will try my best!
It seemed to me that it is quite sometime since you last contact Mel so the first thing to do would be to re-establish contact with her. This could be done casually through msn or sms in the form of a greeting or some forwarded message. From then on, try to engage in light conversation such as how has she been doing and so on.
Once the contact has been re-established, you should then try to set up a face to face meeting by having lunch together and so on. Maybe somewhere in the conversation you can slip in the fact that you missed hanging out with her and the other girls. You should also advise your other friends to do the same and try to contact her individually.
The next step is then to try to get all the gals together and have fun like you used to! Furthermore, I believe that Mel would soon realise why you acted as such when she start to get busy with work herself, just like you yourself realise that about your senior.
Thats all folks!
Regards,
Reza
Hey Sherri86!
ReplyDeleteComing from the same hall as you, I totally understand how you feel. However, do try to put yourself in Mel's shoes. She might feel compelled to react this way to your "phantom-ness" because of her responsibility to the hall. I am guessing that she probably feels a little disappointed with you because of all people, she expects the most support from her closest friends.
On the other hand, Mel should also be aware of the situation you face. Hall life can be a little overbearing sometimes because of the amount of activities you are expected to take part in. She has to understand too that there IS life outside of the micro-community of the hostel.
I am sure you treasure your friendship with Mel very much. Get her out for a drink or two and tell her your concerns. A little alcohol might help! If Mel feels the same way about you, she would not hesitate to listen.
All the best!
Hanrong